


Home is where the Heart is

by pleasereadmeok



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 09:05:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4054375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasereadmeok/pseuds/pleasereadmeok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alicia was in bed when she heard her phone beep.  A text.  It might be Grace or Zach.  Two words.  ‘I failed.’</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home is where the Heart is

**Author's Note:**

> So Finn is trying to re-establish his relationship with his wife. That fits absolutely with his ‘do the right thing’ character but if he has an attraction to Alicia – so much so that he cannot work with her – that doesn’t bode well for his relationship with his ex-wife. I suspect that his son is the key to all this. Maybe he’s doing it for the chance to be with his son again and that overrides everything else – including his own potential happiness with Alicia. This story was originally called ‘Moving On’ – for obvious reasons when you read it – but Perfectkindofmess and I had the same thought and so now it is what it is.

Finn was not used to failure, but he was definitely failing now. He put his head in his hands and tried to block out the world. He desperately wanted to be with his son and his wife but he badly wanted to see Alicia again.  
“Darling? Please talk to me. I know something is wrong. Please let me help you. Finn?” Lizzie was so concerned about her husband.  
“It’s just a headache. It’s fine.” In fact he felt like his head was exploding. The headache wouldn’t shift. It had started the moment he left Alicia’s apartment and now it was killing him.  
“I love you so much. I can’t bear to see you in pain.” Lizzie put her arms around him and tried to take the pain away. She failed.

 

Finn arrived back at his old apartment in Chicago late at night. The plane had been delayed and then the city was gridlocked. It was like the universe was telling him to go back to New York. Now he sat alone, in the dark, wondering what to do next. In the end Lizzie had been so unbelievably understanding that it just made him feel even more guilty. Leaving her and his son Patrick again was the most selfish thing he had ever done.

 

“Finn this isn’t working is it?”  
“I’m sorry…I don’t know what to do.”  
“I feel like you’re not really here – like you are always wanting to be somewhere else.”  
“It’s just that when I was in Chicago I met someone. I… I can’t get her out of my head.”  
“Oh god Finn. Please don’t leave us again.”  
“I’m so sorry. I’m trying. It feels like part of me is still in Chicago.”  
Lizzie started to cry. “Finn please. We can get over this. It will get better. You’ll forget her in time.”

 

The dark of the empty apartment was closing in on Finn. Just when he thought his headache could not get any worse – it did. How could he leave them for a second time? Why had he done that? For the promise – not even that – the _glimmer_ of a chance to be with Alicia? His guilt and misery overwhelmed him. His headache overwhelmed him. “How could I do that to them?!”

 

“I don’t want to fail at this.”  
“ ‘Fail at this’? Finn I’m not an exam you study for. There’s no ‘pass’ or ‘fail’. Either it’s right for us to be together or it’s not. I think we both know that your heart is in Chicago. You’ll never be happy until you get closure there. We’ll always be here if you change your mind.”

 

Finn found the light by the sofa and then the bottle of Bourbon. He downed two large glasses, one after the other. On top of the two he had on the plane – he was pretty much flying himself. “What the hell have I done?”

Alicia was in bed when she heard her phone beep. A text. It might be Grace or Zach. Two words. ‘I failed.’ She dialled Finn’s number. “Where are you?”  
“My apartment. Chicago. I’m so drunk.”  
“I’m coming.”

Another drink and Finn thought about the confused look on Patrick’s face as he left.  
“Is Daddy coming back?”  
“Yes of course he’s coming back to see you all of the time – just like before.” Lizzie choked out through her tears.  
“But Daddy isn’t going to live here with us anymore.”  
“No, but Daddy loves you very much. He will still come to see you. I promise.”

Finn hated himself for doing this to them again and hated Alicia for turning him into the type of man who would leave his family twice in two years. How could he contemplate starting a new relationship on the back of causing so much misery for his family? Also there were no guarantees - Alicia might not feel the same way or she might have moved on already – then what would he do?

Alicia stood in Finn’s hall dressed in her PJ’s, covered in a coat, with mismatched shoes on her feet, her hair ruffled from the bed she had just left and tears in her eyes. Finn slumped against the door-frame in a drunken haze. He didn’t even say hello. This was not the great reunion that Alicia had envisaged in the car on the way over. Instead she had to save herself before he crashed down on top of her. She caught hold of him and got him upright again.  
“Finn – oh god Finn what have you done to yourself? Come back inside.”  
Alicia supported him back to the relative safety of the sofa. She managed to shift the bulk of him onto his side so he could sleep safely. She tucked herself beside him and hoped he wouldn’t be sick on her. “How could I do that to them?” He muttered into her hair.

When Finn woke the first thing he was aware of was Alicia curled up beside him. He shifted one of his arms that had gone numb under the weight of her. She stirred and turned round to face him.  
“Alicia? What happened?”  
“A bottle of Bourbon happened.”  
All he could say was, “Oh,” and then, “I stink of Bourbon. I need a shower. Don’t go.”  
“I won’t I promise.”

When Finn returned from the bathroom the sofa was empty. “Fuck!”  
“I’m in the bedroom.” Alicia shouted.  
He flopped down on the bed beside her and she hugged him to her chest. “I’m so glad you’re home.”  
“I don’t have a home.”  
“Yes you do. With me.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”  
_“You happened”_ , was on the tip of his tongue, but instead he said, “Not really. I suppose it was never going to work – going back. I wish I’d never tried again. It was all working fine before I went back to New York - we had a routine and I had a good relationship with Patrick. I just hope I haven’t fucked him up forever.”  
“Finn I’m so sorry about your son but I can’t be sorry that you’re back. When you left I thought I’d still see you in the office. I didn’t understand that you were leaving Chicago. I wanted to stop you leaving but how could I? Your son and your ex-wife – how could I stop you? We just had an attraction that could have come to nothing anyway. But when you left – I fell apart. It was like a kind of grief for what might have been. I think it was only then that I realised how much I needed you, how much I wanted to be with you.”  
Finn hugged her closer. “Me too. When I left – I left my heart here.” 

Both of them were scared to take the next step, but if they didn’t, if they continued just as friends, what would have been the point? Alicia felt she was responsible for the failure of Finn’s reunion with his wife and son. She HAD to make this work. She stroked his face and ran her fingers over his lips. He touched a kiss on her finger-tips and then her wrist. She ran her fingers through his hair, kissing his neck, his face, his lips. Soft lips touching, so gently, tongues sliding together. At last! 

Finn tugged at Alicia’s PJ top. “Can you take this off? I just want to feel your skin against mine.” She had no hesitation and pulled off her top, turning so he could see her. He smiled and took off his t-shirt. His hand shot up to cover the scar on his shoulder. Alicia pulled his hand away, kissed the still red place and then wrapped her body around him so her breasts pressed against his skin. He sighed. “Oh god your skin is so soft.”

The rest of their clothes were hastily removed. Alicia was moaning her response as his hands slid over her body. There was no doubt they were both ready. The desire that they had suppressed for so long was released when they made love for the first time. He loved her body tight around him and the sight of her as she moved under him. She loved the warm feeling when he came inside her, his fingers finding her clit and the relief when she came. Afterwards Finn relaxed and his headache was gone.

That weekend passed in a blissful haze of sex during the days and talking through the night. They were both so happy to be together at long last. But when they were finally exhausted, Finn’s thoughts turned back to what he had done to Patrick and Lizzie and then something changed. He clung to Alicia like he was frightened to let her go. “We’ll be OK won’t we? I can’t bear to fail again.” He had given up so much for her – failure was not an option. Alicia closed her eyes as the full burden of responsibility dropped onto her shoulders and her head started to ache.

In the next few weeks the weight of the responsibility laid heavily on Alicia. Finn’s guilt was ever present and after those first two wonderful days something was missing from their relationship – his happiness. He was a changed man - withdrawn, thoughtful and drained of all humour. Sex became a desperate need to prove that he loved her – to justify what he had done to his son. There was no doubt that he loved her, but everything was awkward and the pressure was getting to both of them. It got so that when Alicia told him, ‘I love you’, she was beginning to wonder if she was telling the truth. 

Finn spent part of most evenings having ‘face time’ with Patrick. Afterwards he was distracted. “He lost a tooth.” “He scraped his knees.” “He got a gold star in school.” Sadness seemed to engulf him and Alicia knew that he would have finished each sentence with, _‘I should have been there to share it with him.’_ Alicia came to believe that Finn might start to resent her part in his leaving his son and an idea started to form in her head that might solve all of their problems at once. He had given up everything for her and now she needed to take the biggest risk of her life to get the old ‘Finn’ back. But first she had to talk to Zach and Grace – and tell Peter. And then talk to Finn.

“Finn come and sit down with me for a while, I need to talk to you.” His face fell. “No it’s nothing bad – far from it I hope.” Finn sat anxiously beside Alicia and she outlined her plan. “I’ve been thinking. You still have your practice in New York to wind down and the lease on the office. I was wondering if you should keep it going.”  
He looked shocked and confused. “Why would I do that? Alicia I made my choice. I’m committed to you. I’m not leaving you again.”  
“But what if I came with you? To New York?” Finn’s mouth fell open in surprise.  
“What? I don’t understand.”  
“Look my practice has been slow to start up – it’s not doing well. I think the election scandal has tainted my reputation here forever. I’ve burnt my bridges with Diane and Cary, I don’t think we’ll ever get back to how we were. Zach is away studying and Grace is going to college in New York soon. Don’t you see it makes sense for me. It would be a fresh start. I can be Alicia Cavanaugh and get rid of Peter’s baggage…my baggage… and you … you get to be close to Patrick.”  
“You’d really do that for me?”  
“And for me. For _us._ ”

Finn slumped back on the sofa and stared at the ceiling trying to take it all in. “A fresh start for us both. That would be… perfect.” His smile was so wide when he kissed Alicia. She had missed that smile. He started to laugh. She had missed that laugh. There he was. There was the Finn she adored. Her headache was gone. “Are you sure? Can we really do this? Oh god this is just … such a great idea. You’re amazing.” He got up and paced around the room - ideas started pouring out. “We can get a house – with a garden. We can work together. We can… We need to celebrate.” He caught hold of her hand and pulled her into the bedroom and onto the bed. 

“Have I told you that I love you?”  
“Every day.”  
“That’s not enough. I love you.” Finn kissed her throat. “And I love you.” He kissed her left breast, “and you”, then the right, “and you.” He kissed her stomach and his tongue tickled her belly button, “I love you.” He giggled, “and I _really_ love _you_ ”. Alicia squealed with pleasure as his tongue found the place he _really loved_ and her hands gripped onto his hair. When she was getting close he suddenly stopped and looked up at her with a wicked grin.  
“Are you OK? You sound like you’re in pain. Do you want me to stop?”  
“Shut up and get on with it!” Alicia wasn’t really annoyed. This time when they made love, she couldn’t believe how different Finn was. He was still passionate but also playful – so much fun – that was what she needed. Finn was transformed.

 

“Finn the house is fantastic. Patrick will love the garden.” Lizzie was wandering round the rooms with a broad smile on her face. “There’s plenty of room for Alicia’s kids as well. Well done darling. Where is she anyway?”  
“She’s just in the bathroom. She’ll be out in a minute.”  
“Alicia!” Lizzie ran towards Alicia at an alarming speed and threw her arms around her. “Thank you. Thank you. You’ve made my little boy the happiest he’s been in years. I’m so grateful. Thank you.” Lizzie released Alicia from her crushing embrace. “God, what must you think of me! I’m Lizzie. Alicia it’s so good to finally meet you.”  
Alicia was overwhelmed by this welcome. She had expected an awkward meeting with of overtones of jealousy and maybe anger but this was the exact opposite. All Alicia could say was, “It’s good to meet you too. Finn didn’t tell me you are English.”  
“Oh I don’t think he even notices any more! A mere detail long forgotten!”

Finn was amazed by Lizzie’s reaction to Alicia. “Finn darling – shut your mouth and clear out for half an hour. I need to talk to Alicia alone.”  
“Er, I don’t think I should…”  
“There’s nothing to worry about I promise. I just want to get to know her - and talk about you of course!”  
“Yeah well that’s what I’m afraid of!” He laughed.  
“Shoo! Out you go.” Finn looked concerned but obeyed.

“Alicia please don’t look so worried. I have a confession to make and I think it might help you feel more comfortable about our ‘situation’.” They leant on the window sill and talked.  
“OK.”  
“When Finn came back to New York he wasn’t really coming back to me – he was coming back to Patrick.”  
“I don’t understand – I thought you two were trying again.”  
“We did, but I know that Finn only did it for Patrick’s sake not mine. I don’t think he’d ever admit to that – but I know him and I’m sure that’s the case. How can I explain? When Finn and I got together we’d been friends for a long time and we just sort of ‘fell’ into being with each other. I know you might be thinking that you two have had the same journey but trust me it’s different with you. Finn and I were good friends and we should have stayed that way, but one night we got drunk and fooled around and got pregnant.” Alicia was astonished. “Well, you know Finn, he will always try to do the right thing, and then there was the Green Card thing. Well you get the picture – we sort of got married by accident. We got married for lots of reasons – none of them the right one.”  
“He’s never told me any of this.”  
“Well – he wouldn’t. He’s very loyal – but you know that. Don’t get me wrong – I love him – I always will. We love each other but we were never ‘in love’. Anyway, we settled down and living with Finn was great, he’s fun, it was easy and comfortable. Then when Patrick came along, Finn finally knew what it felt like to fall in love – does that make sense?”  
“I think so.”  
“His bond with Patrick is far deeper than with me. I think it was only then that Finn realised that love between a husband and wife should be ‘more’ than we had. I always knew that Finn only stayed with me because he loved his son – but he didn’t love me like…well like he loves you."

"When I got pregnant again we just got trapped even more. When we lost the baby everything came crashing down around us and I pushed him away. Finn was heartbroken but not because he was losing me – because he was losing Patrick. It was the worst time. I think we would have killed each other if he hadn’t left. He feels guilty for leaving after we lost the baby – but I really didn’t give him much choice.”  
“So why did you get back together if it wasn’t ‘meant to be’?”  
“Ahh. That’s my confession. I’d just finished a relationship. It was all wrong and I was upset. Finn was my shoulder to cry on and I almost convinced myself that he loved me but no – he was just ‘doing the right thing’ again. He saw a chance to be with Patrick again and he took it. To be honest it was just ‘easy’ for me as well. But the problem was that he had met you and fallen in love. I could see it was eating him up. I had to let him go.”  
“He blames himself for leaving you – twice – he told me it was his fault.”  
“I know he feels that. We’ve talked and he knows that I think we’re _both_ to blame – anyway – that’s the past. I love him and he’ll always be my best friend and I’m bound to turn to him if I’m in trouble – but I need you to know that I would never try and take him away from you. He’s not my husband anymore – his heart belongs to you. The bottom line is that he’s my best friend but that’s how it should have stayed. I just thought you should know that – that it might make things easier. I’m so grateful to you. I know moving to New York must have cost you a great deal.”  
“Honestly, it’s a good move for me too.”  
“I hope so. I hope we’ll all get along. Our friends are longing to meet you. They love Finn and they’ll love you too. I know it might feel weird but I hope we can be friends too. If I ever say or do anything that you are not happy about – you must tell me. I owe you my little boy’s happiness and you’ve made Finn whole again.”

Finn returned with some pastries and coffee from the local deli. He looked anxiously at the two women he loved. “Well I think we’ve swapped enough stories about your sexual hung ups darling – you can come in now!” Lizzie teased. They sat on the floor and chatted while they drank their coffee and ate the most delicious pastries that Alicia had tasted. “Please tell me this deli isn’t too local – I’ll be as big as this house in a week!”

“When does the furniture arrive?” Asked Lizzie.  
“Tomorrow.” Finn confirmed.  
“Where will you sleep tonight? You could stay with us. Patrick can’t wait to meet you Alicia. He thinks you are his fairy godmother!”  
Finn refused. “No it’s fine – we’ve got plans.”  
“We have?” It was news to Alicia.

They stood on the sidewalk and waved Lizzie off. When she was gone Alicia asked, “Where _are_ we going to sleep?”  
Finn grinned. “Well. I don’t know about you but I don’t intend to sleep much. We’ve got rooms to christen! I want to make love with you in every room of the house.” Alicia shrieked with laughter. “There’s cushions and pillows in the trunk of the car – come on.” They carried armfuls of bedding into the house. “OK. Which room first?” He asked.  
Alicia giggled. “The hall?”  
Finn raised his eyebrows and nodded. “Mmm. I like your thinking.”

After they had ‘christened’ the hall, living room, kitchen and the biggest bedroom, they lay together on the cushions on the floor. Finn plumped up a pillow behind Alicia’s back. She looked at Finn and smiled. Her ‘risk’ had worked. Finn was back to being ‘Finn’ and she had fallen in love with him all over again.  
“I’m so glad we did this.”  
“What? Having sex in every room?”  
“No! I meant moving to New York. I’m glad we moved here. This is home now.”  
“Good – it’s kind of too late to change your mind!”  
“What is it that people say - ‘Home is where the Heart is’. My heart is here, with you.”  
Finn squeezed Alicia tight against his body. “You have my heart Alicia Cavanaugh. I love you so much and we are going to have a wonderful life together. Now - we’ve got other rooms in this house and I mean to have sex in all of them. Oh - maybe not Patrick’s room – that’s just weird. Bathroom next?!”


End file.
